dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
