I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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