he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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