do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
