I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
