you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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