My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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