As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
