? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
