your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
