Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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