Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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