i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
