Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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