I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
