so that wasnt chicken after all
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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