these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
