You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
