You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
