i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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