You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
