so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
