I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
