You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
