Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
