I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
