i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
