Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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