I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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