I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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