apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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