Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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