Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
