I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This house was built for laser tag.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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