New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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