Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
