Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I need moral support for this bender
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
