Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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