You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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