I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
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ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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