Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wish my penis had a tongue
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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