How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize