I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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