just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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