I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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