The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
