Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
