"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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