That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
