Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
