I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
