they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
