Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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