I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
