hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
