You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
