fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
