we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
