Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
