I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
