Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Someone signed my nipple.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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