I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
MIDGETS
????
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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