I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
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I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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