How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
