no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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