you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
