dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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