Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
