Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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