clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
