I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
