Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
