My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
