im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Everything about him screamed your future.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
