i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
