I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
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i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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